"WHAT'S UP, ERNEST?"See the sun also sets.. See Spot chase the squirrel.

Approxinately 70% of Ernest Hemingway's sentences are SIMPLE sentence constructions, grammatically-speaking- a childlike syntax without much,if any subordination.Lean, mean, hard,"athletic" the  New York Times called it.Tedious, others call it. But-oh so poular;he knew his audience:reading level of a grade five student, or a 9-10 year old. Hmmm... Makes you wonder, doesn't it? He and Steinbeck took 'Dick&Jane' to all new heights, alright.Was it ground-breaking in establishing a whole ,new style of prose-simplistic and sparttan-, or was it simply doing only what they were capable of..?(May10,2015-Kim P.)

It's in the Blood, I'm Afraid!!"

THE SCENE: AN emergency room somewhere in Canada. A young woman sobbing, she being comforted by a girlfriend. A doctor enters from inside the hospital- proper, scans the room quickly until his gaze finds her and her friend in one corner; he walks straight toward her. He takes her outstretched hand in his and looks her in the eyes"

woman: Doctor,doctor!

Doctor: Yes,I know... yes he's going to make it, he'll be just fine-but(he cautions with a raised inbdex finger..) It's in his blood and there's little we can do for him beyond the time-honoured, standard treatment beyond letting him go to the bar occasionally with friends For you, girl- the cost will be extreme: you'll lose him for 3-4 hours every Saturday night; he'll be unavailable, I'm afraid because of 'Hockey Night in Canada!' Andit only gets worse. Afteryou'vr survived thewinter's regular season, you'll only have to face the Spring's 'Playoff Season- which can mean(shasking his head some,looking dowcast) almost a game a day for 3-6 weeks! I'm sorry,  miss.(May03,2015,2015-Kim P.)

A HANDSOME YOUNG WOMANIZER.

By the endof 1933, the year Hitler actually came into power, there were already 50 concentration camps well-established(originally intended for political prisoners, disabled and mentally ill...)

Reinhardt Heydrich, a Nazi fanatic, and Himmler protege had become head of the Gestapo by the late 1930's. He had been the principal coordinator of the infamous "Kristalnacht"-the night of the long knives/or broken glass (Nov9&10, actually, of 1938) in which Jewsish institutions, synagogues and businesses were attacked, vandalized and destroyed...  with countless Jews beaten in the streets, arrested and deported to those early camps; he was one of the driving forces behind the 'holocaust'! (May01st, 2015-Kim P.)

HELP ME!- 'My hand somnehow got stuck in my coat!

,.Napoleon had 1 legitimate son(none with Josephine), and at least two out of wedlockchildren with other mistresses... (So, if Napoleon DID suffer at all from S.P.A.- Small Penis Anxiety, there was enough happening down there for him to work around it!He was, most assuredly, a complex -man)     K.P.

Doesn't much matter how big the person is, the average human mouth contains between five and fifteen BILLION bacteria and, like Germans in World War 2, there were good ones and bad ones!(April27,2015-Kim P.)

Apr. 12, 2015

"GO FIGURE!( Is more really better?)

7 MILLION more, "new" Chinese are added to the world's population every year.K.P.

"Why Do Some Jump...?"

Quickie: Once, while on a huge momentus cross-countrydriving-tour that would see me back in my ole home-town, I was briefly chided by one young woman there who explained thst I couldn't shouldn't live in the past. I could only smile and give a disdainful guffaw at her- she who was born and raised there who had been partying there at the same places when she was thirty that she frequented when she was twenty... and so on. She was set on a path that would see her marry and settle down, probably not far from where her parents lived- to start a faily of her own.And she was so quick to jump on me about living in , or dwelling in the past. Whew! I was revisiting it for a short visit,but had moved away years before!. She was still attending the same backyard BBQ's she had for twenty years.And I was guilty of dwellinh in the past?  Curious thing alright.

(April 12,2015-Kim P.)

VENGEANCE IS WHOSE??!

.Vengeance is Mine saith the Lord."Vengeance is a lazy form of grief.." script of "The Interpreter" It can also be fast and retributive. It is one of the main driving forces behind the establishment of our justice system: from legaL(LAWS), monitoring authorities(policing agent/branches through to penal(punishment) separation from society.tHERE WOULD BE BESATINGS AND KILLINGS Eevery day without it! (April12,2015-Kim P.)

"But WHY Dick, WHY..?"(FISH WITH MY BEANS TONIGHT!)

dON'T KNOW IF YOU'VE SEEN IT-BUT YOU SHOULD,the PBS documentary called 'Alone in the Wilderness(Parts 1&2), which follows the day-to-day adventures and exploits of Dick Proenicke who in the spring of 1968 left civilzation behind, moved to the Alaskan wilderness where he lived solo in a log cabin he built from scratch by himself- and remained there for 30or 35 years until he was in his early eighties and found the fifty below tempertaures in the winter was more than he caredto endure. He documents himself in both journals and on film. A fascinating study of one man's diligence, intuitiveness and creativity. Of course, for me now, having watched it a few times, it raises one fundamental question:why? why do it at all? A small piece of his own narration in Part1 might give us some hints. One day, he went hiking up high on the nearby mountains, saw three big mountain sheeo through the binoculars and described them this way:

"There were three handsone rams each wirh a full curl(wild mountain dandies, he called them..) who had left behind the women and childrenwere out of reach of the wolves, and were high on this slope by themselves in their chosen isolation,solitude."          Was that it, Dick..? Maybe his wife couldn't stand his nicotine habit There could easily have been a sequel called, "Why Alone in the Wilderness"- a whole other story, I'm sure(April05,2015-Kim P.)

Hard to Pin Down, really?"

Hard to pin down whuch of the long line of Roman emperors was the most-depraved, and certainly atight race between Caligula and his uncle, Tiberius. I will admit here to having seen the rather pornographic Penthouse-sponsored film, "Caligula" back in the day (late 70's,early 80's I'm guessin') while still a college student.But it was Peter O'Toole's surprising performance in it as the agingTiberius, plastered with open bloody, probably syphillic sores on his face (his particpation in the film surprised even himself, apparently, and became somewhat controversial asmuch of the naked and tastseless sexual activity was added unbeknownst to him. But, according to histories of the time and his time, the movie did remain largely true in some regards. Take for instance , in one of the palace pools his penchant for surrounding himself with young girls and mostly boys who were tasked with playing with and "nibbling" on his toes.. and more. The Emperor and his entourage nicknamed this troop of young people, "Tiberius' Tiddlers"!(like little 'nibbling fishies'...(March25,2015-Kim P.) That's pretty kookoo for kokopuffs!

"Hello, down there!"

 He was like a giraffe, always looking down at those around him.... (March25,2015-K>P>)

"DOES YOUR MOTHER KNOW...?"!

OEDIPUS-Taking the M.I.L.F. concept just a bit too far, don't you think? Now, there's one 'motherfuckin' story for ya..!Like father, like son...?   Oooh. (Sorry...)      K.P.

"Variations on a Theme..?"DON'T TAR ME WITH THE SAME BRUSH.

eeTired of the same old, cliche- idioms and platitudes...?   ME,TOO So, let's revisit a popular one and see what alternatives we can come up with, 'kay? Good."Birds of a fEATHER FLOCK TOGETHER."How about'Hyenas laugh at the same jokes?'Alright. Next. 'Hippos poop in the same Lake?.' and conversely(?) 'Some Fish Don't Like Schooling.'??(March19,2015-Kim P.)

"Heavy Hearts"

nThe greatest/heaviest SINGLE-BATTLE loss for any regiment during the American Civil War was during the seige of Petersburg where one regiment lost 632 men of its original 900.!Close to 70%(March10,2015,Kim P.)

BAD NEWS!(from down in the dark basement...)

 rEMEMBER jODY fOSTER IN HER AWARD-WINNING ROLE as Clarice Starling in "Silence of the Lambs"?O.K., maybe that was for"The Accused" Remember that awful secondary killer 'Buffalo Bill'  (??) He WAS  based on true-to-life "Psycho" killer ED GEIN from Wisconsin who did rob graves, collect and store certain body parts(including his own mother's)Yep.His story spawned Hitchcock's "Psycho",too!  There really are monsters out there, as 'Newt tells Ripley in "Aliens"(sequel)   (March05,2015, K.P.)

"'ARGHH, MATEY!/;

jUST SPITBALLIN', here, but was it really pirates long ago that first discovered/uncovered the mystery and awe of the "booty"Possibly..Always behind the rest, good to see it come into its own recentl!y!Apparently, a lot of those pirates ended up settling in Australia where they still enjoy. a good tennis skirt-twirl (March05,2015-Kim P.)

"A Good Time to Desert..?"

The greatest single-battle loss of life in the American Civil War(which regularly saw casualty-rates in the 30-40% range.....happened during the seige of Petersburg where one Union regiment lost632 of its original 900 men!Two in every three.  (March04,2015, Kim P.)

SEEMS TO BE A CERTAIN 'THREAD RUNNING THRU SOME OF THESE ENTRIES...

 OntHE nEWEST aCRONYM- KID ON THE BLOCK?

S.P.A.-Not a support group, and nothing to do with parents or schools. Guesses..?

Small Penis Anxiety, Even if it wereimportant,somthing I can happily say I do not suffer from... Less than 3% of male population do, however- and the same figure is attached to those carrying around an unusally large penis.Many of the latter can be found playing in vthe NBA, and chest-slappin' themselves after a good play, where "dunkin" has all-new meaning. Neither applies to me-I have enough anxiety already in my basket,Even the smallest of the T-Rex must chuckle some at the preoccupation, knowing full-well-even with his inefficient brain that it's not about how big your sexual pen is, but rather how well you write with  it!On average, a woman can only take 4-5 inches of erection inside of her- so you're just being wasteful if your's is 6plu!(dreamt of dinosaurs last night..   March 04,2015-Kim P.)

Biggest to the Smallest...Rock Stars, ALL!(and pricks... oops)

  .According to a few books on the issue by those who know best... groupies,and the one Cynthia who's made plaster casts of many of the penises she shook hands with:Jimi Hendrix, Tommy Lee(the former 'Mr. Pamela Anderson' of Motley Crew fame the Van Halen brothers, Hughie Lewis, Gene S. Of Kiss, down to little Peter Frampton, and Elton John's purported 'tiny dancer'. Now you know.  I'm sure no reflection on how successful their careers have been, I was surprized not to see Elvis in there , making the grade(..and there WERE groupies in the 50's and 60's! Not as big as his voice, I'm guessing... (Feb28,2015-Kim P.)

ALIEN-DICTATORS!

dID YOU KNOW THAT ''uNCLE jOSEF' sTALIN, rUSSIA'S RUTHLESS DICTATOR was actually Georgian by birth-as his tyrannical rival in Nazi Germany was not German, Bavarian-Austrian by birth.

(Feb27,2015-Kim P.)

"If it's Yellow, Let it mellow;if it's brown, then flush it down!" YIKES!

Apologies to one and all- I was remiss, and neglected to wish everyone

a happy "WORLD TOILET DAY" back on November 19th! Shit! What most of us take for granted- so much. You're not squatting behind the hut in the long grass. An estimated 60-70% of the world's population do not  'enjoy' the benefits of a regular flush toilet. Aha.whew. (Feb09,2015-K.P.)

"He wASN'T Singing..."

 

kEverybody knows the Legend, that the King of Rock'nRoll died 1977,but not everyone is aware of the fact he was found on his bathroom floor, having just used the toilet.They figure, he probably wasn't singing, either...  (Feb06,2015,K.P.)

We lose another precious life to suicide EVERY 40 SECONDS IN THIS WIORLD!  Hard to fathom, isn't it?

BEAware of foreigners!-rUSSIAN DICTATOR jOSEF sTALIN was not Russian, but Georgian, by birth;the world's worst, Germany's Hitler, alao was not a native German ,but got his start in Austria/Bavaria.        (Feb08,2015-Kim P)

"Doh!" he spuddered.

If it's true-as expert nutritionists have been telling us for a decade- that most of the vitamins in a potato are found in its skin, then why, oh why do we persist expending time and energy PEELING the stupid things!??

TIPS FROM 'EllaKim':Carpenters (&some dentists..) will call it'going against the grain'. A pipefitter might call it, 'cross-threading. Turn your toothbrush on the vertical next time when brushing your teeth:it saves wear and tear on the toothbrush and more importantly the enamel on your teeth,plus it works more effectively, like floss, getting those nasty bits out from between the teeth Sound awkward?-not as bad as it sounds, trust me!   (Feb04,2015-Kim P.)

"ADHD China?"

Think about it. For years, generatyions in fact, she has been knownas' bad factory' to the world, having an abundance of cheap, plentiful labour whose one renowned skill was excelling at  assembly line like work.repetitive, mindless:jeans, cars, auto parts,children's toys radios for all those Western companies whose giant profits were made on Wall Street-Kim P.)Jobs that required a special kind of focus, an ability to not be distracted.(Jan8,2015-Kim P.)

"Size DOES Matter."

Not too surprisingly, I suppose, but I've always favored/preferred CONTACT-sports where I could best use and take advantage of my hulking size. Soccer just never did it, and of course would entail a lot of running!BVolleyball- no, thanks. I remember , as  a kid-  me and a few friends(go ahead, 'stickle me if you must, grammarians!) attempted to add full-contact to another otherwise benign game of "Knocking Out Flies" one afternoon in the schoolysard. Surprize! It didn't catch on.

Even with a windy fall and kite season, several of us were "spiking" our batman kites with roofing nails in order to have better shredding 'dog-fights'! Is that just testosterone at work..?Wanting to hurt, maim, kill, destroy...?(Jan.9,2015-KimP.)

"Sad but True"

 70% of people in the world todayliving under the U. N poverty level of 2.00 dollars/day

are WOMEN.cOINCIDES With what proportion of the earth''s surface is covered by water!K.P. 

WELL, THAT'S TRUE....

For years they've been saying (who is they, anyway?)' Two heads are better than one!"

     -BUT ONLY IF THEY'RE NOT ON THE SAME BODY!     Ooooh,yeah.    (Feb08,2015-K.P.)

"Come clean, Hef!" PUT THE SILK P.J.'S AND PIPE ASIDE, NOW...

The mag-neverdid it objectify;

Here, have a Cuban, it's pie in your eye.

Playtoys are "things",

Objects made for delight

Most, for use in daytime-

But some, too, then at night...

And even dirty old men, at their chemical best

Like toys and balloons-in one!-that big ole playchest!

In fact,He's always argued the opposite:his endeavor help set women free..

If they first took off their clothes and sat on his wounded knee, Oh Me!

and while you're at it , let's prostitute them all

You know, dangle the big money

-Oh, it's so absurd, it's not evern funny..,have them waiting for the call!

Most of them from the MidWest-those farmers' daughters- have never seen a limousinel

And they're whisked away with cheese and crackers, chocolate too, champaign, & haute cuisine

Kings of old would work magic with a touch of the scepterthere, ever watchful of usurpers

But this guy, he uses the assembly line-that is , after he burps 'em.    (Feb.08,2015-K.P.)

And the baboons after a noisy, flighty, panicked moment settle in on the riverbank to watch dispassionately as the wildebeeste is taken under water by the huge croodile!Makes no difference to them, or the herd.

The dragon, these days, knows she is bigger and stronger and with a single swipe from one of her giant clawed paws could crush an enemy

"tRES SURPRIZE!"

'fUN WITH aDJECTIVES'

juvenile idiocy, scatlogical humour, intensly sophmoric

and rampantly uneven comic takedown.|An overall mash of sex, drugs,

and( T.V. broadcasting jokes*whatever that one means..?)

frat-boy and adolescent mindset.Aparently the frat-boys have all matured a great deal since I was at college. Take the 'boys ' from "The Hangover "franchise",give them a totally unbelieble script about assassinating the DPRK' leader And we wonder at all(?) why some Muslim brothers rant and get angry ,as some 'god-fearing' Christian men pour lighter fluid on their holy book, the Koran, and light it ablaze in a church parking lot..?Or could it possibly be seen as a deliberate attempt to insult and provoke an entire religion and its believers because they don't have a cross...?Were any of us actuallu exopecting to see a smartly-written well-done satire or something...?  (Dec28,2014-imP.)

"Booty-licious..?"

 

BOOTY-CALL:?

Booty?!Booty?Where are you..?"""BOOTY!??"

 

"Doh!America...."

, REALLYYou'd think they get it by now-after all they made Bart Simpson and his clan one of the most popular television shows of the last 50 years, really since the advent of the medium,really. And One of Bart's signature moves(even he was not above alitle playful bullying?) was his saying ,"Doh!" at a person who did not see, or grasp the obvious in the moment. Akin to ,"what are you stupid?""Yes, of course-everyone understands that!"'Playful Bullying'-now there's a phrase!

"bLOW-bITE!"

THREE'S COMPANY?(Reprise.) Backpacking tour of Europe('83)That's me in the centre, comfortably sandwiched between travelmate&FELLOW cANUCKS,s Margot and Ronnie on an Algarve beach in Portugal!

In Julia Cameron's wonderful, "The Artist's Way", she makes mention of the stumbling blocks, barriers and other obstacles that can often clutter the artist's path. One of course-the most obvious-is negativity, and within it, she coins the phrase "crazymaker" which I find fascinating;she uses it to describe the person who creates the problem-STARTS THE FIREso-to-speak, but then is also one of the first on the scene with firefighters to help douse the flames and 'solve the problen.'Others see her there, cleverly disguised, and think  how thoughtful and helpful the person is-not being aware at all, it was her all along who was the firestarter to begin with:Toxic.We all have them in our lives:

"We know your name, and it sure ain't 'felicity'; No sir,'cause there's just too much ... toxicity.

K.P.

PURGING TOXICITY...

Bloom and grow... forever..!

 

Only Sigourney Weaver can be in deep hyper-sleep for 57 years and look as good as she does in panties and undershirt....   No wonder that alien's always droolin'.                       K.P.

(I nelieve that's somewhat sexist, Kim..?

well.., excuse me for being a man. Her resume and philanthropic endeavors were not on screen; her bum, in panties was!

"Why the aliens drool..?!

 

600 babies with A.I.D.S. are born every day in sub-Saharan AfricaThe old-world testosterone-driven thinkingof many menpreclude the use of condoms in sex....

MOST SUBJUGATED PEOPLE IN THE WORLD?-Women. Women comprise 70% of those in the world living under the U.N. poverty-line of 2.00 dollars per day; that's why you see so few of them in Starbucks?!

Of the over 700 3rd class passengers aboard Titanic, they had to share two communal bATHTUBS-lap of luxury? For the "haves" only. That would leave quite the bathtub rings, don'tyou agree..?    K.P.

     And someone during the night ripped out or sawed off her teeth! Do you think the same people recycle and compost..?Somehow I doubt it.       K.P.

Pregnant Orca found on Vancouver Island beach!

-Hard to imagine, but try: you wake up one day to discover that there are at least 2-3 other pretenders-tothe-throne-Your throne!- two or three other people out there in the world that bear YOUR FULL NAME!OMG! Who knew? Will the real KIM PARRISH stand up, please? Here I am (teacher/writer/crocodile-lover...) talk about your split personality? One of me is a wedding planner in Florida. One of me owns his own advertising/marketing firm, and yet another is a reasonably well-known fashionista with a regular newspaper column, and now her own line of clothes. Then there's me. High school English teacher, writer, stroke-survivor, contrarian, and general provocateur who loves to stir the pot whenever he can..... (Dec.09,2014-Kim P.)

"Imagine My Multiple Surprize!"

My father's hand holding my beloved pet crocodile, "Cronky"(after walter Cronkite!circa 1969-I was 11)

POLYDACTYLY-multiple digit disorder

EUPHEMISM AWARDS TO:

 A recent nod to China's central government as a close runner-up with its "new normal" economic forecasst, but in the end it was good ole Uncle Sam, the U.S. of A. and its CIA taking home first prize with "enhanced interrogation techniques"   for what.. only days before the world had rightfully called it "torture." oops!(Dec14,2014,Beijing-Kim P.)

Best Euphemism Award Goes to...?

sAfter all those cattle drives on "Rawhide", our favorite 'ramrod', Clint Eastwood would sidle up to Sergio Leone for some memorablespaghetti 'western' rides.And all that time sitting around the campfire,how many of us knew Clint was allergic to horses-horse hair, more precisely. I would have washed out early because I,myself, am allergic to cattle hair. So, when you visit me and Maynard on our imaginary ranch, you'll understand why all my cows are shaved!(Dece.06,2014)   K.P.("Cut! Can someone please get Mr. Eastwood's allergy medication!"

"Clint, are you crying..?"

Genghis Khan, the great Khan, Leaderand founder of the vast Mongolian empire, was the first military leader recorded to ever have employed biological warfare in battle, by catapulting the rotting, plague-ridden bodiesof conquered, disease-riddled troops over the walls of a besieged city! And he would die from injuries sustained from a fall from his horse while hunting

Adjective possibilities for the 'Mona Lisa'?:  Mona Liseque?      ...better than "selfie" for crying out loud.How about "selfishtation" ?

Attention high tech e-stuff-Your fifteen Minutes are Up!

Everything has a shelf/self-life!                                         Kim P.

 

What made the great Khan's army so mightily effective?: speed and cavalrywhich could encircle and then from behind divide anenemy's forces

Whenin Mongolia, we actually toured through a museum there, and I was surprized to seejust how small the great leader's sword  was but makes sense upon further reflection- because you need speed and dexterity for close combat.

Mongolian Biological Imperative?

nip-slips, upskirts, MILFS- a sexualized society, just maybe.. Even the royal princess is scrutinized for her derriere...  "bum-envy?"Aye-me! 'Buns Royale?'   K.P.

Grab-Bag-You Never Know...?

 

Up&Down, people. up&down!. Toothbrush makers may never forgive me, but to extend the life of your toothbrush-and to do a much better, more efficient job of brushing your teeth, turn your toothbrush VERTICAL, and go up&down; you heard me!Up&Down. spares the enamel on your teeth, too from the traditional horizontal raking we're all raised with. This way you clean better between the gums, and are 'going with the grain' so to speak! Really. Try it.     Kim P.

DON'T BE A TURKEY!"Having trouble a few times a year stitching up the bird...?Go to a sewing shop and invest in a big,leather needle, first- and then use dental floss to stitch, even doubling it if you choose. iT HOLDS WELL- AND WITHSTANDS OVEN TEMPS! You'll never look back, I promise. k.P.

Camel- tea?- one hump or two?        (sorry...)

Who Knew?The most horrificbutcher in the history of humanity, Adolf Hitler, not only did not eat red meat, but could not tolerate the sight of blood on his plate;he did eat 1-3 oubces of chocolat.Sweet tooth. Yeah, sure! K.P.

Straining at the seams some, there, Kim...?(back in Vancouver at the 'church stroke-club

What's up, Canada? Steady and able-don't rock the cradle. As quiet as a swiss mouse, usually. Lately- beside theroller-coaster ride of Toronto's flagging mayor(good luck against the bad-stuff inside!), we have Air Canada pilots looking at porn  magazines in the cock pit! Must admit Couldn't have found a better place name, more-fitting, I daresay. A serial killer mailing body partsAmuch beloved and popular radio personality facing sexual assault charges, perhaps date-rape charges andhaving his penchant for rough sex raked over and scrutinized by social media!    (Dec08,2014-Kim P.)

"Oh-Canada!?"

What's up, Canada? Steady and able-don't rock the cradle. As quiet as a swiss mouse, usually. Lately- beside theroller-coaster ride of Toronto's flagging mayor(good luck against the bad-stuff inside!), we have Air Canada pilots looking at porn  magazines in the cock pit! Must admit Couldn't have found a better place name, more-fitting, I daresay. A serial killer mailing body partsAmuch beloved and popular radio personality facing sexual assault charges, perhaps date-rape charges andhaving his penchant for rough sex raked over and scrutinized by social media!    (Dec08,2014-Kim P.)